The Galaxy, and the Ground Within Page 18

  She clicked her beak together three times. ‘It is difficult to feel sorrow for something I’ve never known. What you describe sounds magical. But swimming also sounds magical, and I’ve never done that, either. Or—’ She reached for something else. ‘Aandrisks can see in infrared. They can walk the world in the dark. That sounds like a magical thing, too. But it’s an experience I’ll never have. It’s impossible for me to have it. Likewise, it’s impossible for me to have a world of my own. So, I both grieve and am incapable of grieving, because I don’t know what it is that I’ve lost. And none of my kind can tell me. Nobody’s left who remembers.’

  ‘You are like the Humans, perhaps,’ Roveg said. ‘They likewise know only their ships.’

  ‘Maybe,’ Speaker said. ‘I’ve never spoken properly with one, so I don’t know. But something in me says we’re not the same. Their world isn’t dead, not completely. It’s being repaired, little by little. They can visit, if they want to. There are some who live there still. And their planet wasn’t taken from outside. They killed it from within. They chewed their own hearts out. No, I don’t think we’re the same at all.’ She moved restlessly in her chair, casting aside an unspoken rage. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Please, don’t be. You have every reason to be angry. We can talk about something else, if you—’

  ‘No.’ She took a steadying breath. He saw her hands unclench. ‘Tell me about your favourite place on your planet.’

  Roveg did not need to think before answering. ‘Wushengat. It means Flower Lake, rather unoriginally.’

  ‘What’s it like?’

  An ache spread through Roveg as he conjured the place in his mind. The memory was as sweet as summer syrup and twisted as an executioner’s blade. ‘It’s perfectly quiet,’ he said. ‘I never saw a time when the waters weren’t calm.’

  ‘What colour are they?’

  ‘They’re – I’m not sure you and I perceive colour in the same way.’

  ‘I don’t care.’

  ‘The gentlest, lightest purple. The sand on the shore is soft as clouds, and the trees around it explode with flowers in the springtime.’ The ache thickened and bloomed. ‘It is the sort of place where you can sit all day and be utterly sure that so long as you are there, everything will be all right.’

  Speaker hung on every word. ‘I don’t think anywhere has ever made me feel that way.’

  ‘Well, it isn’t true, of course. But it feels that way at Wushengat.’

  ‘I think you should make a sim of it,’ she said. ‘You should make other people feel that, too.’

  Roveg fell silent once more. ‘Tell you what,’ he said at last. He poured himself another cup of mek. ‘If I make this appointment, and if I get my permit, perhaps I will.’

  PEI

  Pei froze as Ouloo smiled at her. Her cheeks roiled purple at the intrusion, at being touched even in such a casual manner without being asked. But angry as she was, part of her was likewise relieved. She shut her eyes and resigned herself to the fact that covering her arm back up would not change what had been seen. Fine. It was one less topic to avoid.

  As she looked into Ouloo’s face, she knew they were nothing alike. They had different bodies, different blood. Their respective ideas of what a ‘mother’ was could not be more disparate. For Ouloo, the concept seemed a core part of her identity, and why would it not be? It wasn’t an embryo that she’d given birth to, but an entire being that had swum within her, no shell keeping them separate. That same being had clung to her for years, living mostly in a pocket on her belly, a constant communion of one body against another. That level of attachment was unsettling to Pei, just as she found the whole concept of live birth horrifying. But the differences between herself and Ouloo were not limited to that of physicality. In traditional Aeluon culture, a mother was not a parent. Parents were men and shon. Parents went to school for it. Parents were the people who actually raised children, not those who had done the easy business of creating them. The gendered expectations of parenting were dissolving, but even though women could be found working in creches now, there was still an enormous difference between the person who produced an egg and the person who took care of the little being that crawled out of it. Parenting was a profession, and it was not Pei’s. She could not imagine living like Ouloo, performing two distinct jobs at once, splitting herself for decades until Tupo reached adulthood. The whole idea was overwhelming.

  But in the absence of everyone else she wished she could talk to right then, Pei found herself oddly comforted by the company of Ouloo – someone who had, in extreme essence, been in a situation like this before.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ Ouloo asked. ‘Are you hungry? Do you need some proper exercise? I can keep everyone out of the garden for a while if you need to run around.’

  Pei was mildly surprised that Ouloo knew any of the ancillary symptoms of shimmer, but with everything else she’d learned about her, such attention to detail made sense. ‘No, I’m fine,’ Pei said. She paused. ‘Please don’t, um—’

  ‘I won’t mention this to anyone,’ Ouloo said. ‘I know I’m chatty, but this is personal. I understand.’ Her neck bobbed thoughtfully. ‘Oh! But – oh, I can help! Here, come on.’ She dropped the paint tube and hurried down the path toward the office. Pei followed.

  Tupo was in the office when they entered, standing on xyr back legs and placing snack packs onto the shelves, one bag at a time, not even remotely in a rush.

  ‘Tupo, I need you out,’ Ouloo said as she trotted in.

  Tupo swung xyr neck around, confused. ‘You said to restock the—’

  ‘I know what I said, but you need to go outside.’

  Tupo looked at Pei, dumbfounded, then swung back to xyr mother. ‘Is … everything okay?’

  ‘Everything is fine,’ Ouloo said, ‘but we need grown-ups only. Shoo.’

  Relative as both parenting and childhood were, the look on Tupo’s face of what the hell is wrong with my mom was universal. Tupo dropped xyr snack packs back into the crate and muttered vehemently as xe trotted off. ‘If I’m playing outside, I’m supposed to do my chores. If I’m doing my chores, I’m supposed to go outside. It’s ridiculous.’ This general vein of complaint continued until the kid was out and the door slid shut.

  Ouloo ignored her child’s negative feedback, and instead began to dig through a storage cabinet behind her desk. ‘There was … hmm, where is it … there was this Aeluon man who … no, not here …’ She shut one drawer and opened another. ‘I want to say he stopped with us two or three standards ago, on his way home from vacation. He … no, that’s not it … wait … aha!’ Her paw came up from the drawer, triumphantly holding an info chip. She walked over to Pei on her back two legs and handed it to her. ‘He was a creche father from Ethiris and gave me this just in case any interested parties came through. It’s details about the creche he works at. Or at least, he worked there then.’ Ouloo bobbed with satisfaction. ‘This is why you never throw anything out.’

  Pei took the chip. ‘Where’s Ethiris?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh, very close. Tunnel number four connects there directly,’ Ouloo said. ‘It’s just one hop and a tenday away.’

  Pei flashed approving blue, for that was a good answer. Her window of opportunity would still be wide at that point, and she could stop pursuing the undesirable avenue of one of Ouloo’s neighbours. She could do this at a proper creche, with proper fathers, the way she’d always wanted to.

  But while one hop and a tenday was good news for the biological countdown she’d been thrust under, there was a problem. She did some math. One hop and a tenday, plus five or six tendays at this creche, then a tenday back to Gora, and one and a half more back to the Mav Bre. That would encompass the entirety of her leave, and then some.

  She wouldn’t be able to meet Ashby.

  Pei scolded herself for thinking that way. She was shimmering, for fuck’s sake. Everything in life paused for that. Holidays were cancelled, jobs were frozen, soldiers got se
nt to safer space. That was just how things worked. Ashby knew that. They’d discussed it, many times. She knew he would understand. There would be other chances, other shore leaves. It was fine to be disappointed, but this was how it had to be.

  She told herself these obvious things. She took a breath, waiting for their indisputable reason to chase the tightness in her chest away.

  They did not.

  Ouloo’s face rose up, startling Pei out of her reverie. ‘I’m sure this whole thing must be a surprise,’ Ouloo said. ‘But don’t worry. From everything I’ve heard, it sounds like a wonderful experience.’

  Pei forced herself to smile blue. ‘That’s what they say. And, thank you,’ she said, sticking the chip in her pocket. ‘This is … thank you. Really.’

  The Laru beamed. ‘I’m just so happy I could help.’ She moved her face closer, confidentially. ‘And I’m glad it doesn’t have to be Kopi. He’s rather boring.’

  Pei laughed at this, her cheeks freckling a bit of genuine green. ‘Well, then I’m glad, too.’ She glanced around at the snacks and sundries. ‘Uh, one more question.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Do you sell anything to drink?’

  ‘Oh, goodness, yes. We’ve got water, plenty of mek powder, plenty of fizz—’

  ‘No, no,’ Pei said. She looked Ouloo square in the eye. ‘Something to drink.’

  Daily 238, GC Standard 307

  COMPOUNDED SYSTEM FAILURE

  Received message

  Encryption: 0

  From: GC Transit Authority – Gora System (path: 487-45411-479-4)

  To: Ooli Oht Ouloo (path: 5787-598-66)

  Subject: URGENT UPDATE

  This is an urgent message from the Emergency Response Team aboard the GC Transit Authority Regional Management Orbiter (Gora System). As both standard ansible and Linking channels are currently unavailable, we will be communicating via the emergency beacon network for the time being. We ask that you leave your scribs locked to this channel until proper communications are restored.

  We are now able to provide a firm estimate of 240/307 for the restoration of safe travel conditions. We know this comes a day later than our previously stated estimate, and we apologise for the inconvenience. As this situation is ever-changing, we have been unable to provide travellers with information that meets our typical standards for accuracy.

  We are pleased to report that we will be deploying a small, temporary fleet of communications satellites throughout today, 238/307. Restoration times will vary depending on your location, and we cannot provide an estimate for your specific area. As this stop-gap network is limited in capacity, it will not be able to support the same user load as Gora’s standard network. To ensure that everyone has the ability to use comms as required, we ask that all calls and messages be limited to emergency needs, or matters relating directly to your travel plans.

  We will be contacting you with your updated tunnel queue details as soon as comms are available.

  Thank you for your patience. We are all in this together.

  Node identifier: 3541-332-61, Gapei Tem Seri

  Data source: external info chip

  Hello, future mother! From all of us at the Rin creche, we wish you heartfelt congratulations on your shimmer, and we hope you’ll consider us to be your child’s fathers.

  Location

  Ethiris is a beautiful planet, and we’re proud to call it home. Sapient settlements here are located on the north coast of the equatorial continent, which makes for mild winters, gorgeous summers, and easy transitions in between.

  Our town is Kestrith, a multispecies community anchored around fibre farming and textile manufacture. We have easy access to beautiful beaches, and sunny hillside hikes are just a short shuttle trip away. Though Ethiris falls within Aandrisk territory, there is a large Aeluon population here, and your child will feel right at home. Colour panels can be found on every public sign, and our sapient neighbours are very familiar with our customs. Shimmerquick is arguably the most publicly celebrated holiday here, even more so than Kish Kesh Kep. If you’re hoping for your child to grow up with a strong connection to Aeluon tradition and the benefits of a cultural melting pot, Kestrith offers the best of both.

  Our Kids’ Home

  Above all else, we want our kids to feel safe and comfortable here. Our creche includes:

  –Cosy sleeping quarters (including temperature-controlled pods for little ones who haven’t grown out of hibernating yet)

  –Indoor and outdoor play areas

  –Warm saltwater swimming pool (with a slide, of course!)

  –A sim room for older kids

  –A wildflower garden where kids can observe native wildlife up close (our settlement has no large predators or venomous creatures of any kind)

  –A HUGE kitchen and aquaponic greenhouse (our kids help grow and cook everything)

  –An at-home study hall for our hard-working students and curious thinkers

  –Two quiet rooms for kids who need some time alone

  –The best steam bath in the system (or at least, we think so)

  Your Special Retreat

  Having fathered twenty-six kids (and counting!), we know that shimmering can be as stressful as it is special. Having to drop everything is not easy, and as excited as you may be, it’s also okay if you’re feeling overwhelmed. All of the fathers here at the Rin creche understand, and we want to do everything we can to make this time as pleasant and peaceful as possible for you. We value our mothers’ contentment every bit as much as we do our children’s well-being.

  You probably also have questions about coupling with us – learning about it in school isn’t the same as going through it for the first time! We’re happy to discuss everything in as much detail as you need to feel comfortable about being intimate with us. We’ll go over all your sexual preferences beforehand, and if you’re joining us from off-planet, you can write to, or call us as often as you like on your journey here, any time of day.

  For you, we offer the following:

  –Your choice of private sleeping quarters or shared quarters with any of the fathers

  –Top-of-the-line medical exam facilities

  –Your own private soaking tub (aside from being relaxing, a hot soak helps with the mild discomfort that can arise as your egg’s shell begins to harden)

  –All the massages, naps, and dessert you want

  –An open invitation to spend as much time interacting with our kids as you’re interested in. Some mothers like to be able to picture what her child’s life will be like; others want some distance from that. We’re used to both, and will accommodate either.

  –A high-quality incubation pool, where your egg will be monitored day and night until hatching

  Meet the Fathers

  Femlen

  –Special training: medicine, physical activities, egg care, first aid, tutoring (math, science)

  –Favourite activities: swimming, playing mystery sims

  –Favourite thing about parenting: watching them do something I taught them better than me

  Tus

  –Special training: cooking, gardening, visual art, egg care, first aid, tutoring (colour control, art)

  –Favourite activities: arranging flowers, making dessert, eating dessert

  –Favourite thing about parenting: watching a kid speak in full colour for the first time

  Drae

  –Special training: mental health counselling, performing arts, dance, storytelling, egg care, first aid, tutoring (talkbox use, Klip)

  –Favourite activities: going to the colour opera, reading books in the local city field, playing action sims

  –Favourite thing about parenting: that age when they suddenly have opinions about everything

  Mudi

  –Special training: housekeeping, home repair, egg care, first aid, tutoring (home skills, tech repair, Reskitkish)

  –Favourite activities: having adventures in town, taking
things apart, playing tikkit

  –Favourite thing about parenting: making a bad day better

  ROVEG

  There was a place in the garden behind the main lawn that was perfect for people who needed a moment alone. Roveg had noted it before – a semi-circular nook surrounded by a thick wall of hedges, facing outward toward the dome and providing an uninterrupted view of the dusty hills beyond. Normally, his shuttle felt like a sanctuary, but right then, it was dead weight that could not fly. He had spent an hour after the last update – or was it more? – bouncing from one room to the next, seeking solace in his usual comforts of food, art, music. But the harder he tried to calm down, the less he was satisfied, and the deeper the frenzy in his mind crept. So, with no better ideas, he’d headed for the garden nook, hopeful that some time alone in different surroundings would quiet him.

  He followed the path through the tidy hedges. As he rounded the corner, he discovered that Captain Tem had beat him to the punch.

  The Aeluon was sitting in the grass atop her folded jacket, her legs crossed beneath her vertical torso in bizarre bipedal fashion. On the ground before her was a bottle, and in one hand, a cup. Her posture was as steady as ever, but there was the air of something new about her. A tension, yes, but also some change in her appearance that Roveg did not have the mental bandwidth to place. She looked different, somehow. Her scent was different, too. But how much of that difference was her and how much was the pungent liquid she was drinking, he could not determine.

  ‘Oh! Hello, Captain,’ he said. ‘I didn’t expect anyone to be here.’

  ‘No worries,’ she said. The words coming out of her talkbox were ever so slightly delayed. Roveg knew, from the varied Aeluons in his social life, that operating a talkbox while imbibing became more and more of a challenge with every sip.

  ‘I was just looking for a place to gather my thoughts,’ he said.

  ‘Yeah,’ Captain Tem said. ‘Me too.’ She thought for a moment, then raised the bottle. ‘If you’d like to be alone with someone, I do not need to drink all of this myself.’